Eight years ago today a long anticipated fun day at the beach turned to tragedy. That was the day God called our beautiful 28-year old daughter, Susan, to heaven. Joy and sorrow mixed as the same ocean that claimed my daughter, gave back my husband...a grace from God for two short years. And then he too, in God’s providence, went to his heavenly home. Since then I have come to realize that there are two things that fill me with disdain--the ocean and cancer. Now its easy to dislike a disease like cancer. One can find many allies in this...even poems written about what cancer cannot take. But it seems most people love the beach, the seashore, the waves, the sand. I often feel like a spoil sport because the images and sounds all bring back terrible memories of a day I wish I could forget but which is indelibly imprinted in my memory.“Doth not he see my ways, and count all my steps?” Job 31:4
So it may not be a surprise to anyone that I don’t like water; especially water with people in it! I avoid those scenes like the plague. But God has been patient and gracious with my fear. Like the gentle Father that He is, I have felt his comfort and unhurried support.
During the year that my late husband, Malcom, battled cancer (2005-06), God showed himself strong to me in so many ways. You may have followed my devotional blog, “And I Shall Yet Praise Him” during that time in my life. If you have a few hours (or days!) you can still go back and read it here.
Several years have passed and as I contemplated beginning a new blog, I recall an incident that happened just about two months ago. Jerry and I were attending a conference for Christian Counselors in Orlando, Florida. We had one day to rest up before heading back to Ohio and I felt God nudging me to face my fear. To Jerry’s surprise I suggested we go to the pool. I wasn’t sure how I would manage, but for the first time in eight years I actually got into the water and did some swimming. It was a small step in the continuing recovery process. I’m positive God was smiling that day!
So now you understand the title for my blog, and even the reason for a picture of just a little bit of water. I’m looking forward to sharing thoughts and meditations as I take the “next step” with God. I hope you’ll join me in the journey!
~Carol
